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You promised me so many things and said you we're going home to spend time with family. Instead it was because you had another man lined up and ready to go and didn't have the heart to tell me. I wish you had so I would have stopped holding on for the past 6 years. And now you me and text me and tell me how you life is, how everyone just uses you. And you don't think that I feel used at all. It's crazy really how love blinds people to each others flaws, but after all the help I give to you and your you're only cold to me now. You never loved me. No matter what I say or do you won't ever love me. And all the things your promised me you'd do and want for us you don't show it in the least. I feel used especially after this last year. I forgave you in the beginning but I regret it now. You never forgave me for my mistakes or shortcomings and probably never will so why I have hung on this long is beyond me. I did my best for us and for you. But I see it would never be enough because your heart and eyes are elsewhere. I know you are seeing someone else these days. Even if you won't admit it out right it shows. I give up on being strung along only for the money, especially since you don't do anything for it. Any other woman would throw herself at the love, affection, and care I've given you in the hopes you'd come back and we could start over. But I'm just a and I see that clearly now. And for all I've done something more than a half hearted "thanks" would be nice. I've been so lonely and if I wasn't a workaholic it would tear me apart. So you are welcome for everything I've done and if you happen to see this enjoy 2015 with the other guy because I'm not going to be around for it. Pay your own way from now. Its not like anyone there knows I even exist so you can't without people wanting to know what you are talking about. And you wouldn't tell them anyways because it would make you "look bad". Your appearance to your backwards family ( that you constantly tell me treats you like dirt) and to your now ex-husband and his family, and the guys you keep hanging out with every day matters so much more to you than anything I could and have ever done anyways. Anyways I rant but needed to get this out in the open. Maybe you'll see it but I doubt it. And even if you do see this and read it I know it won't change anything. You won't change even though you've always expected me to. Have a good life. You certainly deserve it. J
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